Uncertainty

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There are some days when I try to understand why certain things happen. Often times there is a reason, but sometimes it may take a while to understand what that reason is. When I was diagnosed with CF, I was young and unable to understand to the impact on me and my future. A future I couldn’t understand, but grew to learn. I never stopped to ask myself “why me” because the only answer to that question is “why anyone else?” I was trying to comprehend what my illness had to offer me, or what positive affects it could have on my life. It took me years to understand, especially after it had already taken away so much from me. I was mainly homeschooled from 7th-12th grade due to frequent lung infections. I was unable to participate in any physical activity such as sports or P.E because of my condition. As a result of CF I have an enlarged spleen which makes it unsafe to play contact sports. Sleeping over at a friend’s house or going on vacation was never easy. I was always having to pack breathing treatments, vest treatment’s, and medication. I am often too tired or worn down to do basic activities with either family or friends. Afraid I might push myself I would have to sit out of whatever they are doing. Hospital stays, doctors’ appointments, medication, and treatments were a daily to monthly routine. As I got older I realized what my illnesses might have to offer myself or others. I grew to understand that without my illnesses, I would not be the person I am today. I would not have the strength I have, inspired all the people I have inspired, love so deeply and so fast, value health the way I do, or be so eager to become the person I am supposed to be.

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